The Universe Works In Mysterious Ways…

https://medium.com/@jencracchiola/the-universe-works-in-mysterious-ways-7095ece9c9be

The day my brother proposed to his girlfriend was the day I lost my Dad. We had a wonderful day at the Zoo as we all watched from afar when the proposal took place, then celebrated with hot pretzels and walking through the zoo. Dad had a heart attack later that night and passed. We had lost Mom six months prior. Needless to say, 2020 was a bad year.

2021 would be a better year as we now have a wedding to look forward to! I was gaining a sister that I adore and wanted the wedding to be as special as it could be, even though we were missing some important guests.

In 2018, I was the matron of honor in our sister’s wedding and, let me just say, my storytelling and toast were engaging. It probably helped that I was slightly (more than slightly) inebriated. When my brother’s fiancée asked me to toast at their wedding along with others, I had to really think about it. You’d think it would be an easy decision, but I was torn. I wasn’t part of the wedding party, and many other toasts were supposed to happen, and, well, it felt like something my parents would do if they were here. However, I was the oldest sibling and helped raise my younger brother, nearly 15 years my junior.

I decided against the toast solely based on the number of toasts they already had lined up. People want to eat! I didn’t want to take away from dinner! I politely declined and moved on.

Right before the wedding, I went on a Catholic retreat in a hasty effort to renew my faith lost over losing my parents. I won’t get preachy here-it’s not my style or my mission. I will leave you with the strong impression that my life was seriously lacking something, and I couldn’t find anything to fix ME. The retreat was very beneficial. I made new friends at my parish and felt peace for the first time in a year. Grief is tough, and the anger that comes with it.

On the second night of the retreat, I was woken up in the middle of the night, and my inner voice kept telling me, “Hey, you need to do this toast.” I tried to shake it off and go back to sleep-wasn’t happening. I got out of bed, sat at the desk, and hammered out a wedding toast in one fell swoop with 0 edits. It was perfect. I was pleased with it and knew it would be just the right touch of funny and sentimental for the wedding. I quietly slunk back to bed and drifted off to sleep now that step 1 of my mission was complete.

I couldn’t wait to get out of the retreat to let my family know I would absolutely be honored to toast them. I was proud of what I had written and was ready for this. Let’s do it. Now a week away from the wedding, my late acceptance was declined. They cut back on the number of toasts and would not have time for me. I was devastated. Why on earth would I have this, this inner voice, that would wake me up and insist I immediately write the toast? I didn’t understand. Feeling a little deflated, I moved on. I was looking forward to the wedding and celebrating one of my favorite couples.

But wait! I had a brilliant idea and ran it by my sister. We would have a handkerchief embroidered with our Mom’s signature message, “Love always, Mom and Dad”. We took an old birthday card with her signature, scanned it, and sent it to a wonderful woman on Etsy who made an absolutely beautiful memento that hopefully would become a family heirloom. We had a custom card made that was addressed “To Our Brother On His Wedding Day”. I thought about it and decided, yes, this is what I would do. It’s what I needed to do: inside, I would put a copy of the toast.

Before the wedding, my sister and I went “backstage” to where the guys were getting ready. We needed a few minutes with the Groom before the ceremony. We cleared the room to give us some privacy, but a photographer was apparently hiding off to the side to snap a picture of the gift.

Our brother opened the card. He smiled, he chuckled, and then the tears welled up. He reached into the bag and gently removed the handkerchief. Yes, definitely tears all around. We embraced, all three of us, and just shared this moment.

This was much better left for a small group. My awakening was fruitful, and the result was that my toast did exactly what it was intended for. It was never meant for a large crowd at a busy reception. It was meant for a special moment between three siblings brought closer by loss.

Funny how things work out the way the universe wants them to…