Left Lane Ends and Lanes Merge: When Friendships Are Over and New Ones Begin

Written for Medium.com

I’ve always believed that some friendships are meant to last a lifetime, while others are only with us for a season. Each serves a purpose during a certain period, and when that time is over, it’s natural to move on.

Some of my friendships date back to high school. Now, at my age, I realize how much I’ve learned from these relationships—no matter how cliché that may sound.

My best friend, who is my oldest daughter’s godfather, has been in my life since high school. He’s a wonderful person and truly one of my favorites. We don’t talk every day—or even every month, thanks to our busy schedules—but we always pick up right where we left off. Maybe you have friendships like that, too.

Another friend from high school and I go through phases of trying to keep in touch. Family life keeps us busy, and sometimes six months pass before we talk again. Yet every time, we pick up right where we left off. Meeting in person is even rarer, since we live far apart.

I have another friend with a similar story, though lately we’ve done a better job of keeping in touch. We used to go as long as two years without talking, just because life got in the way. Now, I try not to take these connections for granted and appreciate the people in my life.

So what about the friendships that simply run their course? It happens.

One friend ended our 20-year friendship because they couldn’t handle my struggles with previous depression; thankfully, that’s passed. That hurt deeply. Thirteen years later, I reached out in hopes of reconciling, but it wasn’t possible. I learned that some friendships are only meant to last a season.

Another friendship faded after I left the company where we worked together. I tried to stay in touch, but it became awkward and eventually drifted away.

Some friendships drift apart. Marriage, children, and life itself shift our priorities. We sometimes neglect our friendships—sometimes even ourselves—in the process.

But I also want to celebrate the new friendships in my life. Social media, for all its flaws, makes it possible to reconnect with people from the past.

There’s one friendship with a woman I knew in high school—and honestly, I didn’t care for her back then. I’m not even sure how we connected on social media (probably because everyone from my small town connects with everyone else), but I’m glad we did. Over 20 years later, we’re both different people. We try to have dinner every few months and text when we can. Once again, it’s a friendship that easily picks up where it left off, and we both understand how busy life gets.

I have several friendships that faded in my 20s and 30s, only to be rekindled in my 40s. I’m so grateful for these second chances. Some friends live close by, others farther away, but I treasure them all.

I also check in on friends from my parish. In 2021, I attended a retreat that was truly life-changing, and I made many new friendships I deeply cherish. But that’s a story for another time.

How do you keep friendships lasting longer than a season? Personally, I check in on people whenever I feel a nudge—sometimes it’s just a hunch, or even a strange dream involving dinosaurs! More often than not, my instincts are right—someone is going through something and needs a friend.

In 2020, I learned the hard way not to leave things unsaid after losing both of my parents. Now, I make it a point to nurture every relationship I have. It only takes a moment to let someone know you’re thinking of them. You don’t even have to talk on the phone—a simple text will do. Don’t hesitate to reach out to the people you care about.

As for the friendships that lasted only a season, that’s okay. They served their purpose. Now, it’s time to focus on the present and the people who are here now.