Written for Medium.com
I’ve always heard and always firmly believed that some friendships are forever and some last a season. They serve a purpose for a time in your life and then that lane ends and it’s time to move on.
I’ve had friendships since high school. I’m now the young age of 48 and have learned a lot in my years as cliché as that sounds.
My best friend is my oldest daughter’s Godfather. We’ve been friends since high school. He’s a wonderful human and one of my favorites. We don’t talk every day. Heck, due to schedules, it’s hard to talk every month! It’s a friendship that we can pick up where we left off though. You may have friendships like that too.
I have another friend from high school that we go on cycles of trying to keep in touch. We get busy with our families, it might be 6 months between talking but it’s the same story. We pick up where we left off. Unfortunately, meeting in person is even farther and fewer in between due to distance between us.
Another friend, similar story, though in recent years we’ve done a better job at keeping in touch. We’d often go 2 years without chatting because life simply got in the way. I’ve since learned not to take that for granted and appreciate those in your life.
So what about the friendships that simply run their course? It happens.
I had one friend who ended a 20 year friendship because they couldn’t handle me in my clinically depressed state. That one stung. I have nothing more to say. Now, another 13 years later, I tried reaching out to check in and see if reconciling was an option. It really wasn’t. Lesson learned. That friendship just lasted a few seasons.
I had another friend that I worked for that once I left the company it was very difficult to keep in touch. I tried. It became awkward.
Some friendships simply drift away. Marriage happens. Kids happen. Life just happens. Our priorities shift and we neglect to care for our friendships. Hell, most of us neglect to care for ourselves!
But I do want to celebrate the new friendships in my life as well. Social media is a wonderful thing, isn’t it? Being able to connect with people from the past.
One particular friendship is with a woman that I knew in highschool and frankly didn’t care for. I honestly don’t know how or why we connected on social media (probably because everyone from my small town connected with everyone else) but I’m glad we did. After 20+ years we were different people, understandably so. We try to go to dinner every few months. Texting when we can, but again, another friendship that picks up. We understand we’re busy.
I have many friendships where we lost touch in our 20’s and 30’s and reconnected in our 40’s and I’m so thankful that we did. Some live closer than others but I adore them nonetheless.
I check in on my friends from my parish. I went on a retreat in 2021 and honestly it was life-changing and I made many more friendships I cherish. That will have to be another post.
How can you keep friendships for more than a season? I personally check in on people as often as I can. Something nudges me, just an inkling, that I need to check in on someone. Sometimes it’s a dream. Even if it’s a weird dream where we’re being chased by dinosaurs, I know I need to check in on them. I’m usually spot on too. They’re going through something and could use a friend.
In 2020 I learned the hard lesson of never leaving things unsaid. I lost both of my parents. Now, I nurture every relationship I have. It only takes a second to let someone know you’re thinking of them. You don’t even have to, ick, talk on the phone! You can shoot them a text! Don’t hesitate to reach out to those you truly care about.
And the friendships that lasted a season? It’s OK. They served their purpose. Time to focus on the here and now.
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