I need a break.
I’ve lost people through the years but nothing was as life-changing as losing my parents in 2020. No, it wasn’t COVID. They were unexpected, heart-related deaths. I don’t know which is easier…losing someone quickly or losing someone over time. I imagine that grief still has to run its course.
There isn’t a single day that goes by that they do not weigh on my mind. It might be a happy memory, triggered by a scent or a song. It might be a smile from a photograph. It might be a sad memory that bubbles up like their last day. That may feel familiar. That’s when you start to ruminate and get stuck in an endless loop. Did I say “I love you” enough? Did I talk to them versus text them enough? Is there unfinished business? Did they know I loved them?
Mother’s Day just passed. Did I think about my Mom? I did. Honestly, I was sick and spent the day in bed sleeping and my waking hours were spent with my own kids as they showered me with love. You know what? I felt guilty. I felt guilty for not thinking more about my own mother.
Father’s Day is around the corner. I know that this will also be a tough holiday. I will have more time to think, to brood in my head over my own father.
Birthdays and death anniversaries are tough. That’s a given. But the day-to-day as well can be tough on us too. I can say that while I do think of them daily the good memories are starting to outweigh the sad memories.
Grief doesn’t take a break. We have to choose how we want to journey through it.
Please, take the time to call your loved ones. Tell them you love them.
I believe my parents knew.
Comments